It\u2019s a sad fact of life that miscarriage, defined by the NHS as the loss of a pregnancy during the first 23 weeks, is quite a common occurrence. They estimate that around one in eight pregnancies end in miscarriage. This is among women who know that they are pregnant; many more happen before a woman is even aware she is pregnant. Obviously in the light of these figures, it\u2019s fairly likely that this will happen to someone in your family or circle of friends and colleagues.<\/p>\n
When a friend has had a miscarriage, it can be difficult to know how to support her, but the sensitive support and advice of friends can really help to comfort someone suffering this loss. Conversely, thoughtless remarks can cause lasting pain. Here are some tips for offering a friend advice after miscarriage<\/strong>, to help you understand which responses can help to ease the pain, and what to avoid.<\/p>\n Recognising the pain that your friend is suffering is paramount. Almost the worst thing you could do is to say nothing, even if you don\u2019t know what to say. Try starting with a simple, \u2018I\u2019m sorry\u2019. Many women and their partners feel a genuine connection with their unborn child, and the loss is every bit as much of a bereavement as any other. Finding the appropriate words can be difficult, but many women feel that acknowledgement of their loss, rather than brushing over it, is all the comfort they need.<\/p>\n As well as offering advice after a miscarriage<\/strong>, be prepared, at least at the beginning, to take a step back and just listen. Let your friend know that you understand the need to talk about it. Sometimes women and their partners feel the need to go over what has happened more than once. This tendency towards repetition is part of the grieving process and can\u2019t be hurried. Be patient, be kind, and just listen.<\/p>\n After a miscarriage, some women can feel resentful, guilty and angry. These are also part of the natural response to bereavement, and even though it can make offering patient support more difficult, if you can remain calm and sympathetic even in the face of heightened emotions, you\u2019re being supportive. You can reassure your friend that her reactions are normal and necessary, but don\u2019t use this as an avenue to try to suppress her expression.<\/p>\n A bunch of flowers, a box of chocolates, or the delivery of a pre-prepared meal: any of these can help to show your sympathy. Don\u2019t forget that there are often two parents involved, too. Your friend\u2019s partner could feel that their role is to support, and that they have to ignore their own grief and loss. A hug and a sympathetic enquiry about how they are doing could go a long way.<\/p>\n Bereavement may not be an illness, but it can look like one. People often experience loss of appetite, trouble sleeping, and a high level of stress. Offering practical help around the house or with picking up shopping or any caring duties could all help to alleviate your friend\u2019s pain.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n What to avoid after miscarriage: Five More Tips<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n Sometimes not knowing what to say can lead to thoughtless words of \u2018comfort\u2019. Any sentence that begins with the words \u2018at least\u2019 will probably turn out to be unhelpful. For example:<\/p>\n \u2018At least you know you can get pregnant.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018At least there\u2019s plenty of time, there\u2019s always next time.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018At least it was early so it wasn\u2019t really a baby yet.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018At least you have other children.\u2019<\/p>\n All of these have the ring of the \u2018Cheer up, it could be worse!\u2019 style of sympathy, which is not comforting at all. It can feel to the sufferer as though you are belittling their loss and grief, rather than recognising it.<\/p>\n Very much in the same vein as the \u2018At least\u2026\u2019 approach to support and sympathy, it\u2019s probably best to avoid platitudes altogether. Remarks such as \u2018Perhaps it wasn\u2019t meant to be\u2019 or \u2018Maybe it was for the best\u2019 or even an attempt at humour such as \u2018Think of all those sleepless nights you\u2019ve been saved\u2019 will not feel at all friendly to someone in need of sympathy.<\/p>\n Even if you are very close with your friend, you should probably check before dropping in. Sometimes after a shock to the system people need to be left alone, but, equally, don\u2019t fall into the trap of non-communication. An email or a phone call to check if she\u2019s OK, and up for a visit, would be thoughtful.<\/p>\n It may be that your friend is relaxed about being around other pregnant women or women with small children, or it could be that it is too painful just at the moment. See how she feels before suggesting a stroll to the park or bringing your own children to visit. The same goes for sharing news of a pregnancy: of course, in this situation you can\u2019t keep it secret forever, but make sure to be sensitive when announcing your news.<\/p>\n You may be brimming with ideas for practical help and what needs to be done, but it\u2019s not the right time for unsolicited advice to take the place of sympathy. When your friend is ready to seek help, she will let you know. Then, and only then, you could suggest a counselling service such as the one available from the Miscarriage Association<\/a>. At IVI, we also offer our own psychological support service<\/a>. If, when the time is right, you want to help your friend get in touch with IVI<\/a> to find out about the help available, you know where we are.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"It\u2019s a sad fact of life that miscarriage, defined by the NHS as the loss of a pregnancy during the first 23 weeks, is quite a common occurrence. They estimate that around one in eight pregnancies end in miscarriage. This is among women who know that they are pregnant; many more happen before a woman is even aware she is pregnant. Obviously in the light of these figures, it\u2019s fairly likely that this will happen to someone in your family or circle of friends and colleagues.","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":52821,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[18],"tags":[260,261],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nHow to support your friend after miscarriage: Five Tips<\/span><\/strong><\/h3>\n
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